Man enters Ranganathan street during Diwali and crosses it after Aadi

Ranganathan Street is a street in T.Nagar, Chennai, India. It is located on the approach to the Mambalam train station, and a plentitude of commercial establishments can be found on this street.

A 26 year old man named Venkatesh attempted his first trip down Ranganathan Street a day before Diwali (Nov 2007) and has crossed the busy throughfare by the end of Aadi (July 2008). He spoke of his experience "Well, I didn't expect that Ranganathan street gets so crowded during Diwali, Pongal and Aadi season. I wanted to buy a couple of shirts and a trouser for myself at Jeyachandran Textiles when I first entered the street. I've finally purchased them, but yet to pay the bill... the counter is still crowded." He added "It was a pleasant experience going through the street. I found everything required for my day-to-day existence there. I had 3 meals a day, managed to take a bath daily in the sweat of everyone walking by, and even managed to get a shave occasionally!"

When the manager of Saravana Stores, a popular store in T.Nagar was contacted, he said "Yeah, the crowds during the festive seasons get a bit large sometimes." He pointed to an old white-haired and bearded man and said "Do you see that person? He came to buy a few pairs of jeans to wear at his college. Hopefully he can finish his purchase before he gets too old to wear them."

Venkatesh, though, is very happy. "I finally managed to cross the street. I didnt realize that Diwali is over. I did hear some firecrackers bursting, but I wasn't too sure if they were indeed the sound from firecrackers or from someone with a massive indigestion. All I now need to do is to pay for the clothes I've selected and collect them. As the queue next to the bill counter in the shop is somewhat long, hopefully I can get that done by the end of Christmas."

Bush to outsource war on Iran to India

US President George Bush announced in a press conference yesterday that he plans to outsource the war against Iran war to India. "India has become one of the leading locations to outsource anything," he said. "American soldiers are tired due to the war against Afghanistan and Iraq. Its unfair to have them go to war against Iran. Its best for the nation that we outsource it to India." Condoleeza Rice added "We realized that the costs of war would work out much cheaper if we outsourced it. We just need to pay $100 per month to the soldiers when we outsource it!"

The Chairman of NASSCOM welcomed the decision. He said "War is not a simple thing. There's a lot of software involved to operate all that military hardware. And who better than the chaps at Bangalore can develop that software?". He also stated "And during the war, if there's a need for call centers to be set up, India has excellent facilities in Gurgaon and Noida to take care of that too!"

Sources say that the US plans to airlift all the Iranians living in the US to Bangalore, where the Indian army can get a bit of target practice. The Indian military is all geared up for the war. An unamed source said "If the war on Iran proves to be successful, the US government might outsource all future wars to us! We have our fingers crossed!"

Sreesanth presented with handkerchief by Preity Zinta

Indian cricketer, S. Sreesanth, was recently presented with a beautiful laced handkerchief by actress Preity Zinta. Apparently Sreesanth had gone to a movie launch function in Kerala which was attended by Preity as well. Preity, who had not been following cricketing news since her team lost in the IPL, was shocked to see Sreesanth at the movie function instead of playing with the Indian team in Karachi for the Asia Cup.

Sources said that when she asked Sreesanth why he was not playing in the Asia Cup, he had immediately broken down crying stating "They left me here... I wanted to go so badly.... but they took that Goni instead.... I feel as if this were a slap on my face..... mummy.." This had made Preity to immediately reach into her handbag and retrieve a lovely little hanky that she gifted to Sreesanth.

Sreesanth was earlier in the news for sobbing his heart out when he saw Priety hugging Brett Lee and Yuvraj but totally ignoring his pleas for a hug. This had prompted Ness Wadia to remark "Priety doesn't hug me much either these days... she's too busy hugging everyone else.... if I were to cry each time I saw her hug Brett or Yuvraj, I'd be swimming in my pool of tears now".

When Priety was contacted on the hanky gift to Sreesanth, she remarked "Yes, its true. I did give Sree a hanky. Its a nice pretty dainty little one with embroidered laces. Very cute. Am sure Sree will like it."

Sreesanth and the BCCI chairman were unavailable for comment.

Mike Mohan to act without a mike

Mohan, the leading Tamil/Kannada/Telugu movie actor of the 80s, will soon return to the silver screen after a long hiatus, but this time with a drastic change! Mohan, who is well known for his musical hits like Idhaya Kovil, Udaya Geetham, Kilinjalgal, Kunguma Chimizh, etc., will now star in a movie without a mike! The movie is to be called "Kannukku mai azhagu, Mohanukku mike azhagu" and is to be directed by Goutham Menon.

"This movie will be a career-defining one for me", says Mike(less) Mohan. He remarked "It will be the first time that I will appear on screen entirely without a microphone in sight! My only concern is if my loyal fans will recognize me without the mike".

Mike Mohan shot into fame after appearing in the 1980 movie Nenjathai Killadhey, the highlight of the movie being the slowest ever jogging scene to be depicted on screen in Indian movie history. The song 'Paruvammae, puthiya paadal paadu' had Mohan and Suhasini jogging in the early morning fog for a distance of 100 meters in about 6 minutes. At that time, sprinter Ben Johnson is said to have been floored seeing the pace at which the duo hit the track.

His movie 'Kilinjalgal' created a record of all sorts, after he fell in love with the heroine of the movie in a slowly moving goods train. Recently, on watching the song 'Goodsu vandiyilae oru kaadhal vandhirichu', Railway Minister Shree Lallu Prasad Yadav is said to have remarked "Yeh bahut bahut accha gaana hain. Ab se, sab goods gaadiyon mein college students ko duet gaane key liye muft me ticket milega".

Mohan is said to overjoyed in his new role without his trademark mike. When asked of his dream project, he says "I want to do a movie like Dasavatharam where I get to play 10 roles. Each role will be unique - one with a mike, one without a mike, one with a mike that's suspended from the ceiling, one with a earpiece and attached mike, one without a mike, one with two mikes, one with a mike that someone else holds for me, one with a mike that does not work, and so on. I've asked director K.S. Ravikumar to let me know when he plans to make such a movie".

Shooting for "Kannukku mai azhagu, Mohanukku mike azhagu" is expected to commence in August 08.

Tobey McGuire unwilling to play Peter Parker!

Rioters News Service.

July 11, 2008.

Tobey McGuire, the star of Spiderman series of movies, is reportedly not happy with the name of Spidey's alter-ego, 'Peter Parker'. The superhero character of Spiderman first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15 (Aug. 1962) and was created by Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko. As per the original story, Peter Parker, a teenage student, gets bit by a radioactive spider and gains spider-like powers.

However, Tobey McGuire is not too pleased to play the role of Peter Parker. When contacted, he said "Look at Parker. Does he look like a Peteru? He looks more like a Gnana-pazham. How can anyone call him Peteru? I firmly refuse to act as Peter Parker anymore unless his name is changed to something more harmless like George Parker or Pankaj Parker".

When contacted, Sam Raimi, the director of Spider Man 3, remarked "Yes, I agree that Parker is not even close to a Peteru. However, this is the name that Stan Lee has given to the character. I do not have the liberty to change the name to George or Jack or Pankaj or anything else'.

Tobey, however, is not happy with Raimi's comments, and has said "This is bullshit. When Peter Parker can be changed to Pavitr Prabhakar in India, why can I not adopt the same name worldwide? Calling Parker as Peteru is an insult to all the Peterus and Marys in the colleges of Chennai. In fact even the Gnana-pazhams may get insulted for placing one of their ilk in a different category".

When contacted, Max D (Maheshwaran Dhamodharan), a 2nd year student from MCC Chennai remarked "Yup! I gotta agree with Tobey, doood. The character Parker is no way a Peetah. Just cos he speaks with an American accent doesn't make him automatically into a Peetah, ya know?" Arogiasamy, a 3rd year student from Pachaiyappas College Chennai had to add "Yes, yes, I totally agree with Tobey. Parkeru is definitely 100 parcent not a Peteru".

As the shooting commencement for Spider Man 4 approaches, the producers of the movie are at a loss on what to do.

T. Rajendar to star in the remake of King Kong in Tamil

T. Rajendar, the popular movie star in Kollywood, has been signed for an undisclosed amount by Super Bad Films to act in the Tamil remake of the 2005 hollywood blockbuster King Kong! Peter Jackson has been approached to direct the version in Tamil as well, after directors Shankar and Raj Kumar Santoshi expressed their inability to take up such a mammoth project.

The movie is slated to be the costliest movie ever made in the history of Indian cinema, beating the earlier record occupied by Kamalhassan starrer Dasavatharam. Paramount Pictures and Hyde Park Entertainment will join hands with Super Bad Films to produce this venture. James Newton Howard will be roped in for the background score, while Thenisai Thendral Deva has been asked to score the music for the songs.

It is expected that Asin and Madhavan would play the roles played in the Hollywood version by Naomi Watts and Adrian Brody respectively. 3 lively songs featuring King Kong and Asin has been planned, with one of them to be shot in the jungles of Assam, and the other two dream sequences to be shot in Mauritius and Switzerland. One kuthu paatu(cannot translate this) to introduce King Kong is also expected to be a highlight in the movie.

T. Rajendar, who would be playing the legendary role of King Kong, is said to be ecstatic about his new movie! When his son Chimbu was contacted, this is what he had to say - "Appakku idhu oru thiruppu muniyaa amaiyumnu nenaikkaraen. Avara kaatillum vera yaaram King Kongaa nadikka mudiyumnu ennakku thonalla. Indha padathoda sequel 'Son of King Kong'la ennakku oru mukkiya vesham kedaikumnu naan edhirpaakraen" (translated to - "This will be a turning point for Daddy. I dont think anyone other than him can act as King Kong. I hope I'll get an important part to play in this movie's sequel 'Son of King Kong'").

Actor Vijaykumar has also been contacted to play the Nattamai (village chief) dad of Asin, who objects to King Kong's affections towards his daughter. Mallika Sherawat has been roped in for a special item number.

The movie is slated for a worldwide release on Diwali 2009.

News for the non sensitive!

This blog is intented to be a parody of the breaking news that is churned out in our media these days. This blog is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings and is created to give everyone a good hearty laugh, or atleast a guffaw!

Keep Smiling!